Colonoscopy musings

12/17/15

Colonoscopy today. Very uncomfortable prep last night. I farted around on facebook, waiting for a whole lot of nothing (not even gas) to happen at the other end. As it got later, I began to get frustrated with the waiting. So, I decided to watch how my thoughts were causing the frustration. I practiced breathing, relaxing, and shifting perspective: allowing the thoughts to take up less space and the space around the thoughts to expand. To pay attention to the space, and disengage from the thoughts. It made the all night long task of prepping less frustrating, and more just being with the experience. Just a task. Now this. Now this. Now this. It was still wearisome, tending to the situation and not getting the sleep I desired. And it was doable.

I requested no sedation, so I could watch the show during the procedure. Apparently, it is rare for Americans to have colonoscopies without sedation, but it's standard practice in other countries. (We have the right to feel NO PAIN, it says so right there in the constitution under life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.) There was some discomfort/pain from the scope going around corners, the gas expanding the space at one point, and the contraction/cramping of the colon as the scope was being removed. And, I could breathe through it. And what's left now is not a memory of pain or discomfort, but wonder at the beauty of the blood vessels, the smoothness of the walls, the cuteness of the cecum (which looks like a bellybutton), how tiny and perfect the snowy villi were at the end of the small intestine, and what a cramp looks like from inside the colon. There is the joy of seeing what my healthy colon looks like, and gratitude for the miracle that it all works!

My dad died of colon cancer, and while it is one of the cancers that can have a genetic component, the fact that he lived to be almost 81, would suggest that his cancer was not genetic. Our risk for colon cancer can be greatly reduced by eating healthy foods (LOTS of vegetables, fruits, and fiber, and less red meat than the standard American diet), regular exercise, not smoking, and not drinking in excess. Also, colonoscopies can help determine if you have other risk factors, such as polyps, or colon disorders that can be monitored to prevent or catch something in the early, treatable, stages. So, if it is time for your colonoscopy, don't hesitate, you can actually find joy, learning, wonder, even humor. (I neglected to tell you about the colonoscopy humor that you only get when you are awake – you just have to be there.)

Power of Posture: The Reach Nia Routine

One of the very first things we notice about others on a subconscious level is posture and body language. We form impressions about people we don't know, often without conscious understanding of how we arrived at those ideas.  An example of how I came to notice this: when I first started dating my partner, Austin, I went to the O'Henry Pun-off in Austin, Texas and noticed him up on the stage performing the role of moderator.  I sat in the audience a little irate that he did not mention he was doing this.  (What's up with that guy?)  After a while, I realized that the guy on stage who looks and sounds a lot like Austin, was probably his brother.  Now that I know his brother, they look nothing alike, except for the same mouth, his brother is taller, has curly hair and more of it, their eyes look nothing alike. I was picking up on posture and body language - and it was screaming at me - this is the guy!  Now that I am familiar with both of them, I can't see the body language similarities the way I did when the relationship was new.

Our posture lets others know our habitual states of mind:  are we upbeat? Are we chronically depressed or worried?  Do we move with grace and vitality, or do we drag ourselves through life?  Are we optimistic, or do we tend to look for things to go wrong?  Our physical presence is constantly broadcasting messages to others, whether we care to or not.  Having been on the planet long enough to observe how others age, one thing I have noticed about postural deterioration in aging is that working out with weights, or even various forms of ethnic dance do not prevent the hunching or gait issues I associate with less-than-graceful aging.  At a recent yoga workshop I attended, the instructor said something along the lines of, "forgive yourself for your posture, it's not yours."  We get it from our parents, our culture, our lifestyle habits, and from our mental and emotional habits.  Improving posture requires diligent, but relaxed, practice.  We can't force ourselves into "good" posture, we relax our patterns of holding (body/mind/emotions) and ALLOW an upright, comfortable posture.

Nia is a movement and lifestyle practice and a lot of the postural cuing I use in my classes comes from Alexander Technique, one of the movement forms the Nia Technique is based on.  "Sensing yourself being lifted from the top" or "being drawn up like like a plant towards the sun" offers a sense of lightness and ease in sensing our way into a comfortable, upright posture.  Other cues you hear me say might be"lifting your heart" and "allowing the shoulder blades to slide down the back." What does any of this have to do with the Reach Routine?

This week we are learning the Reach Routine, developed by my first Nia teacher and trainer, Holly Nastasi.  Reach is designed to help release holding and tension around the shoulder girdle.  We think of the shoulder girdle as the scapula (shoulder blade), the humerous (upper arm bone), and the clavicle, the small bone that rests at the anterior top of the rib cage and connects the humerous to the sternum.  True freedom in the shoulder girdle allows for full range of motion, lots of space between the shoulder and the ear, and an open-hearted posture (the shoulder blades can relax down and back, and the shoulders do not hunch forward).  We will be moving in ways that promote flexibility, mobility of the shoulder joints, and stabilizing the shoulders by building more strength in the core muscles that support the arms and shoulders.  I hope to see you in class (either Timberhill Athletic Club, or Chintimini this week.  See my schedule in the sidebar.

What kind of messages do you want your posture to send out to the world?  Open-heartedness? Happiness?  Ease?  Freedom?  Uprightness?  Your steady, diligent, relaxed, gentle movement practice can get you there.

For a little more on posture see The Science Behind Posture and How it Affects Your Brain.

The Power of the Punch! (or block, or kick)

Someone recently brought up feeling uncomfortable with the more 'aggressive' moves in class.  And I thank her so much for acknowledging and voicing the concern.  I have observed that some (mostly women) have a difficult time with the TaiKwanDo moves and stating "no."  I have also observed that some women, in particular, find a lot of enjoyment/relief/gratification (not sure exactly) from the same moves and sounds.  It's like they've waited their whole lives to freely express.  Some of us (myself included) have had to sit on our energy a lot in order to be socially acceptable.  Our culture has a lot of judgmental labels for women who are strong, passionate, and stand for something.  (Example: the way Hillary was bashed for talking about health care in the '90s!!!!)  Blocks are always about boundary setting.  Sounding, for me, is about owning my voice.  A lack of respect for women's boundaries pervades our culture.  (The entire abortion 'debate' is about who gets to control women's bodies.)  Often women who have been abused have difficulty with this whole issue of setting and protecting their own boundaries, and the practice of owning and voicing boundaries can be one of the most healing things we do in a Nia class.

Another aspect:  there are things in this world that are not OK.  It is not OK for criminals to steal over 300 girls and the whole world to just stand around twiddling thumbs (while they continue to steal more girls).  We have the technology to have done a lot (particularly at first) and we didn't.  It is easy to be angry about those things and have no where to put it.  So, I have my own outrage, and I express for those who can't.  No!  This needs to stop!  Owning my outrage and having an expressive outlet for it feels healthier than shrugging my shoulders and feeling powerless.

Another part of it is:  we can never truly say yes when we cannot truly say no.  Saying no and yes are powerful statements.  This is where I put my energy, this is where I won't.  So many of us have obligations all over the place and they drain energy.  We often take things on with a sense of joy and hopefulness, then get overloaded and frazzled.  So, stopping and noting:  this feeds me, this doesn't, and rearranging priorities helps.  Yes to this, no to that - frees energy and passion.  It can happen in class - you are just saying "No" (because its in the choreography), when the thing you need to say no to (and haven't, yet) shows up.  Some of us have had very stressful jobs at times, and going to Nia and sounding yes!, no!, and HUH! can be a safe outlet for frustration arising from work or family problems.

Yet another way to look at it is:  it's all energy.  It's neither masculine or feminine.  Would you mess with a cute bear cub if you knew it's mama was around?  Mama bear energy looks dangerous and aggressive.  Sometimes there is a reason for that energy that is neither negative or positive - it just is.  And we are wise to be aware of it. 

Now, I love the feeling of aliveness, freedom, and connecting to passion that I get when I make those powerful sounds - yes! no! huh! and movements - punch, block, strike, kick.  I get so much joy from sensing the power of the stance (my legs), my core, and my voice.  Come to Nia and celebrate the raw power of your own physicality.  RAH!  Own it!  It's YOURS!  

Do you have any insights to share about your experience of these energies in class?  If so, comment below.

Cultivating Compassion

I end each Nia class with a few statements from a lovingkindness meditation.  This is not a part of The Nia Technique, it is something I bring to my Nia practice.  Many years ago, I was a volunteer facilitator of a support group for adults with chronic and life threatening diseases at the Austin Center for Attitudinal Healing (based on the work of Jerald Jampolsky, MD).  One of the most profound activities we did in group was a version of the lovingkindness meditation by Stephen Levine - and we practiced this periodically.  When we are healing anything in ourselves, extending lovingkindness - happiness, our wish for others to be free of suffering, and to be liberated takes a load off our own hearts.  It expands the space for us to relax and allow our own healing.  The longer meditation that we used in group extended lovingkindness to ourselves first, then out to others, the planet, and the most healing part was extending lovingkindness to those we have issues with.  Lovingkindness practice is an opportunity to unbind the heart.  Once in a while, I do a class with lovingkindness as the focus and we do a longer version (by Jack Kornfield) at the end.

Lovingkindness practice has its origin in the Tibetan Buddhist practice of Tong Lin.  Here is a link to a short video of Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron explaining Tong Lin, with an invitation to practice for a minute.  Studies on the effects of "compassionate meditation" conducted by neuroscientist Richard Davidson (using functional magnetic resonance imaging) at the University of Wisconsin found that Buddhist monks who had practiced what I might call lovingkindness meditation for many years could maintain and extend compassion when shown a series of disturbing photos.  Images that provoked fear, repulsion, or 'fight or flight' dynamics in untrained control subjects drew the monks into a deeper state of compassionate meditation as they extended lovingkindness towards the suffering they witnessed.  One possible conclusion I submit might be that practicing lovingkindness increases emotional resilience, it improves the likelihood that we can keep our hearts open in the face of suffering of our fellow beings on planet earth - and continue to extend lovingkindness.

Dancing Nia opens our hearts, cleanses our bodies and minds, and promotes fitness and self care.  Including lovingkindness in class is an invitation to expand the heart around suffering of any kind, our own, or someone else's (instead of contract in fear).  If I offer a reminder to hold the the girls in Nigeria, or the families of a victim in a school shooting in our lovingkindness - know that your heart is big enough to expand around and hold their perceived suffering in a state of love.  We work to that end in every class.  We're big - our lovingkindness embraces the whole planet.

Healing Structures

This week in my own practice, I have been focusing on releasing structures that inhibit healing:  thoughts, emotions, judgments, familiar patterns that may not serve me.  It's easier to see those structures in other people:  the rounded shoulders and sunken chest of depression, the shoulders hugging the ears of fear or anxiety, the head forward and fast gait of someone lost in thought or worry.  And, it can often surprise me when I catch a glimpse of myself passing a window and realize how I am holding myself.  It's a potent reminder of how the thoughts in our heads manifest as physical structures in our bodies.

We latch on to these structures of thought and feelings that are reflected in our bodies as a means of protecting ourselves, maybe from a situation or relationship that happened in the past.  And, sometimes those structures cause pain - physical or emotional, or make it difficult to heal physical conditions for us now.  Coping mechanisms that helped us in the past are rarely appropriate now.  Sometimes we carry a structural pattern that we learned from our parents - it provided safety for them or their parents, but not for us now.  So, I use my awareness of movement in class to help correct unhelpful structures in my body and mind, and carry that awareness into the rest of my day.

There are many different ways to become more aware of physical/mental/emotional structures - notice what happens when you shift your posture, lift the sternum or gaze.  Another way we sometimes use with the routine Mystere is to move like somebody or something else.  Let go of moving the way you move.  Be somebody else.  With Mystere, we have the magic and mystery of the Cirque du Soliel soundtrack and the inspiration of the acrobats we've seen to play with, as well as the cue of 'exploring with the eyes.'  Sometimes I invite you to wear something different, something you would not normally wear to class, a costume, or a skirt (if you don't usually wear one), a scarf - as an awareness tool.  When you notice this unusual thing, it's a reminder to alter your movement, ever so slightly - to break out of what is customary for you.  You can practice this awareness any time, in class, in daily life, or in extraordinary situations.  Have fun releasing limitations and building healthy new structures!

Dancing with the spirit of Maya Angelou

So many of our cultural heros/heroines over the last century have been humanized to death, knocked off their pedestals by gossip about their vices and short-coming, that I often tend to live as though there are no heros/heroines, assuming we have to blaze our own trail to truth and wholeness.  Then someone like Maya Angelou dies and, "oh yeah, there are people who have inspired me with their example," they've lived and died among us.   Fortunately, Maya Angelou left so much of herself in those of us who have been inspired by her life, that in a sense, her passing back into that space from which we all arise, has made her that much bigger.  Bigger than life:  that's what we expect from a heroine, isn't it?

Maya Angelou danced, sang, and spoke her truth without apology.  Her voice was thick and rich as molasses, full of earth, sweat, sexiness, and sassiness.  It took no prisoners.  Did it offend some?  Probably.  Did it bother her?  Who knows?  She lived as though it did not.  She lived openly and freely.  Nothing for gossip mongers to latch on to and knock down.  She turned her suffering into precious jewels and shared them with all of us.  And so we danced - to fully acknowledge the gifts we have received from this great lady:  truth, beauty, sassiness, sexiness, the power of our unique voices, the joy of expression, the joy of connection in our admiration for her and her gifts.  And we danced to send her off in love and to celebrate a life well lived.

We danced Moodfood with a couple of extras:
Still I Rise
People Get Ready

Talk on Nia: Life as Art - Tuesday April 29th

I will be presenting a class Life as Art: An Exploration of Movement, Meaning, and Mindfulness at 9:30am on Tuesday April 29th, 2014. This is for the Academy for Lifelong Learning in Corvallis. It will last 2 hours, or a little less. I will be deconstructing a Nia class and illuminating many little details about what goes into each part, the value and purpose of many of the things we do in Nia. Basically, things you pick up as a student over a long period of time, but would not know as a new or even fairly new Nia student. Lots of little juicy details that make Nia such an extraordinary practice. First Congregational Church, 4515 SW West Hills Road, Corvallis.  FREE!!!